I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
