i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
