he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
