I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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