she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
