Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
