the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
