i will never coherently bang her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
