Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize