I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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