I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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