I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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