I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
