I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
