I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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