I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
