i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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