I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
