Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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