my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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