ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
false alarm. still invincible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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