I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
