She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
