dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
