I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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