Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
