Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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