Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He better not be in your backpack
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
