There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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