I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
