yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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