just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
