bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
