my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
