Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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