So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
