i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
