I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize