I think my fart just growled at me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
