I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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