I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
