Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just invented taco cereal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
