Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
