used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
