Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You pole danced in your parka.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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