I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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