He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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