"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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