Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
