I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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