so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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