omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
BRING THE BAGELS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
