I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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