i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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