Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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