Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he thought i was a dude.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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