Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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