Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
