dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
