i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize