Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
