i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
