We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
