Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
