so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
