I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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