Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize