I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
