ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
