And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
