I looked at my own cervix.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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